Assumptions

Gwen and I have been rocking lately, and before I go into the meat and potatoes of what I wanted to say in this post, I'll do a quick update.

Since the summer is unbearably hot here, and I am naturally lazy (introvert here), Gwen and I have gone bareback since June. It has been a FABULOUS opportunity to work with her on the ground, and take the pressure off of riding. I'm not as sleek and trim as I was at 16 (*Cough*), so our bareback sessions are usually short, sweet, and SLOW. Over the past few weeks I have been getting a bit of trot out of Gwen, but it takes very little to tip me off of balance. She's such a wonderful partner that the second she feels me wobble, she halts. It's nice to know she's not going to dump me, but it's hard to progress when I never get a chance to establish my balance while trotting.

But, we have come leaps and bounds on other rideing-related things. Our back-up absolutely ROCKS. I can usually get a really nice back up without touching the reins. She's so sensitive to the slightest shift of my weight, that I have to be really careful not to lean forward and inadvertantly ask her to back up. She's also gotten super responsive at taking directions from my legs/seat/weight that I barely use my reins (we've been going one-rein all summer, too). It's so nice to know that my horse is listening to me, and trying so hard to do what I'm asking her. I'm definitely not up to par, and have been trying so hard to get better so that I can give her clear cues and not accidently cue for something I didn't mean to.

Anyways. Bareback is great, but we've progressed about as far as possible, since I can't trot/canter/jump (although, we DID take our first jump over the barrels bareback last monday!! It was AWESOME!!!)

Along with riding bareback, in my non-barn time, I have been doing a lot of looking into saddles, saddling, saddle fitting, etc. I came to the conclusion that my western saddle did not fit Gwen. It was just way too big for her. In fact, I don't think any western saddle will fit her, without being too small for me. I'm not that big, but she's got a short back.

So earlier this month, I sold my western saddle to a friend at work, who is getting ready to bring his horse home. I feel confident that the saddle will fit his long-backed TB, and it's a good fit for him both physically and financially. It's a synthetic saddle, so he won't need to worry about leather care.

So I've been on the hunt for an english saddle since then, and I know exactly what I want. I'm going to go with a Wintec again, and I'm really leaning toward the close contact saddle. Thankfully, there's a used Wintec all-purpose saddle at the barn that actually fits me! (most of the saddles are child-sized). Yesterday, I took it out and tried it on Gwen and... it fits her perfectly! I was amazed. It's like fate!

Today was our second day in a saddle. We're going slow (I can definitely tell that Gwen is not as confident in a saddle as she is bareback. Understandably, since she hasn't worn one in months!). We're taking things slow, but I have a feeling I've been pushing her a bit faster than she'd like. I'm making a concious effort to SLOW DOWN. I'm just so excited to be jumping.

Which takes me to the real reason for today's post. Lately, people have been making a few comments about Gwen's behaviour. Said individuals are not exactly experts (let's just say that the oldest one is eleven...). Rather than correct them, I just kinda shrug it off and proceed in silence. I realized that I just do not have the patience to explain what I'm doing.  This struck me as sad, since I really ought to be an ambassador for Parelli/Natural Horsemanship, and here I am making a point not to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing??  Why not?

It's because of assumptions. People see me playing the circling game with Gwen, and assume it's lunging. Rather than take time to explain what it is, and how it's NOT lunging, I just grit my teeth (metaphorically speaking) and ignore it. I let them think what they want and just carry on. It's ten times harder to explain something to someone who already assumes they know what's going on, than to explain it to someone who's clueless. And lately, I just don't have the patience to deal with it.

Example: Today I was playing with Gwen on my 12' instead of the 22', because I wanted to put more focus on riding than on-line. She was very unconfident, whether it was because she was saddled, or because there were so many other people in the ring (she's also gotten used to being just one-on-one with me) or both, I don't know. Either way, our circling game was pretty broken. I was prepared for this, and made sure to start her out on her favorite direction, rather than asking her to go her "hard" way. I let her walk for two to four laps, just letting her settle in and relax, before I asked her to change direction and go the other way.

Predictably, when we changed direction, instead of making a smooth transition, we had a lot of stop-start-stop-start. I gave her the time she needed, and she let out a soft sigh and started to relax. However, even after this small release, her circling to the left was choppy, and she would only walk a few steps before she'd stop again. She'd stop, look at me, and I'd gently ask her to keep going.  It was during one of those stops that a kid on horseback halted along the rail, said something about Gwen just standing there. Something along the lines of "Gwen's just like 'I don't wanna move!' she's so funny". I said something back like "Yeah, she's just going to stand for a moment" to which the kid replied "Because you don't make her go" with the attitude that I was being a bad horsewoman, because I wasn't *making* my horse go forward like I wanted her to.  I answered, (slightly more sternly than I probably should have,) that "No, I'm *not* making her go. I'm letting her rest and think about it," at which point the kid did not reply.

But the comment pissed me off.  Like SERIOUSLY pissed me off. Because it had the assumption behind it that Gwen was behaving badly, or stubbornly, or lazily, and that it was my job to "make her go", with the attitude of "you're letting her get away with <insert whatever>". I don't want to be a bitch. I really don't. But I do not have time to correct someone whose already made up her mind about how to handle horses. This is probably not the attitude I should have.  Really, a better way to handle the situation would have been to say "No, I'm letting her think about the situation. She's not being stubborn, she's insecure. If you'd like to know why I'm doing this, I'd be happy to talk to you about it after the lesson."  Because I am. I really, really AM happy to explain what I am doing, if that person honestly wants to know. 

I guess what pisses me off the most is that people assume Gwen is stubborn, or lazy, or naughty, etc. And they like to TELL me that she's being naughty! As if I will laugh and agree with them. I don't. Gwen is not naughty. She's never, ever BEEN naughty! She's the sweetest, most sensitive horse I've met, and I am not being biased (well, maybe a little).  But really, she is. She gets nervous, so she stops. She gets unconfident, so she stops. She gets worried or timid, and needs to stop and assess the situation, to see if she's OK, to see if I'm OK, and then she can process, breathe, and we move on. But people don't see the timid/nervous/shy/unconfident part. They just see the stopping and assume she's being lazy, and I'm letting her.

It's amazing to me how no one (outside of Natural Horsemanship) ever describes a horse as "shy", or "timid". They're always "lazy", "Stubborn", "mean", Mares are all "bitchy", geldings are always "grumpy". I've never been introduced to a new horse, and been told "You have to be careful with him, he's very unconfident about his feet". It's always "He's stubborn, he doesn't like to have his feet picked up so you have to do XYZ to make him do it". 

Or it's "She's stubborn and won't pick up her right lead".  It's never "She's not comfortable cantering yet".  This is something I am very aware of. Gwen is not confident cantering. She's especially not comfortable cantering on her left lead, so we spend a lot of time warming up at the trot, online and riding, before I ask her for a canter. And while we're warming up, if she feels paticularly unconfident that day, we might not canter at all. Or I might ask for a few steps, and then stop there. It took me almost a year for her to be confident trotting with me on her back, (when she's not confident, it's like riding a run-away jack-hammer) but now she can trot almost slow enough and smooth enough to qualify as a western-pleasure jog!  And that's because I didn't start out asking her to trot all the way around the arena! We trotted one step and then walked. Then two steps, and walked, and so on, until she was comfortable trotting down the short side of the arena. And then the long. And now we can go all the way around!  She wasn't being "lazy", she was anxious! Now that she knows it's nothing to be afraid of, and she's not going to be pushed past her comfort zone, she's happy to trot with me.

Anyways, I've probably exhausted the topic of assumptions now. It's something that I have to live with. More than the assumption, tho, what ticks me off is that the people making the assumption don't really care to hear the explanation. I've tried telling a few of the girls about what I do, and it just kinda... goes in one ear, out the other, and they go back to doing things the way they always have. Oh well. They're only teenagers. Maybe they'll grow out of it?

Until next time,

J.